Subtitles provided by Unruly Qiao teamat Viki
Unruly Qiao
Episode 6
I think your head has been broken by a branch
are you mindful of what that person's status is?
what business is it of yours what they eat and how they sleep?
I don't care. When you're done eating
Make sure she leaves
But mum, how can we just help someone halfway?
Especially since she's a girl
and it's almost dark now
where do you expect her to go?
I don't care You're the one that brought her home
Make her leave
the way you made her come
And one more thing Recently, the Emperor is choosing a concubine
Don't keep running home if you've got nothingbetter to do
Stay obediently in the imperial clinic
You're scared that I'd be chosen?
You're a girl on your identity card
I almost forgot
Then what are you going to do if the officialscome here to check?
What do you mean what am I going to do?
At the most I'll put on some make up
and take your place
If the Emperor chooses me
I might even become the Empress!
Mother, stop joking
there's nothing funny about this
All right. I know.
I'll think of a plan
Just listen to me
Stand still. What are you doing?
Eldest brother, eldest brother.
Stop arguing. This is somone else's home!
But I didn't say anything wrong
She followed us from the streets to the house
If she's not an Octopus, what is she?
Xiao Tian brought me home
What business is it of yours? Stop talking so much
I'm telling you, that's enough
I'm letting you be on account that you're a girl
Otherwise I won't be courteous to you
Xiao San, stop it. That's enough
But I didn't say anything wrong And she started hitting me first
Hitting you? I haven't started kicking you yet!
Stop arguing Where do you think you're running to?
Enough, stop fighting!
Stop it
don't fight, don't fight
Madam He! You're right on time.
Look at this
Everything was broken by here. I have nothing to do with it.
Take this. Beat her.
The three of you had better listen to me carefully
I don't care what statuses you have outside
This is my house. What I say goes.
You've messed up my house
but who's going to clean it up?
Madam He, I'm sorry
I'll clean it up
Mother
Just leave the cleaning up to us
Why don't you go look for Uncle Tao for a drink?
Come, come. Let's go.
What's your problem?
I brought you to my place to eat
not to wreck the house
He started it by calling me Octopus girl!
I said she's like an Octopus
sucking on to you and refusing to let go
Look
She's wrapped herself up like a gift
Have you seen anyone wrap an Octopus up as a gift?
Xiao Tian, your second brother has taken revenge for you
How is it? I'm heroic, aren't I?
Eldest brother, you decide
how can a younger brother hit his older brother?
Speaking fairly, you really deserve to be hit.
Why are you so happy?
These things were broken by you. Clean it up!
you
Great. She's gone
we can eat in peace now
You go keep an eye on her
Why should I be the one to go?
It's not like I rear octopuses
Xiao San, it's getting dark
it's dangerous outside
Just go take a look
Play a guessing game. Whoever loses will go.
Let's vote to decide then
What voting?
You're obviously bullying the minority
If Octopus Girl were here, you'd definitely lose
She has 8 hands!
Are you done?
Do you think I like following you?
I'm afraid you won't go home
Whether or not I go home is none of your business
You can only walk forward. Not backwards.
Why?
Don't think about returning to Xiao Tian's house
Your house is in that direction
You can't control me
I really don't feel like bothering
Octopus Girl!
You actually dared to trick me, Octopus Girl?
Don't know that I know martial arts?
Lousy Zhang Zhe San, you can do that?
Of course. Stop fooling around.
Go home
I still want to go back and have dinner
I don't want to go home. I'm hungry.
Stop following me.
Why are you still following me?
I'm telling you, it's dangerous for a girl
to be wandering around in the middle of the night
It'll be easy for her to run into perverts
and these perverts
will come out when you call them
See? I didn't lie to you.
Nothing to it.
Make your attack
Don't hit him! Don't!
Ouch. It hurts! Please don't catch me.
Don't catch me. Be careful.
Where's your money?
Don't you have hands to take it for yourself?
Someone's been killed! Aren't you leaving?
Zhang San. Are you all right? Are you?
How can I be all right after being stabbed like this?
What should I do? Why did this happen?
Aren't you a skilled martial artist?
The two of them are my senior perverts
nothing will stop them
I'll go get a doctor. You hang in there.
Dont, don't, don't.
I'm going to die immediately
Can you promise me one thing?
Tell me
After I'm dead
can you please stop bothering Xiao Tian?
Quickly, quickly go home.
Zhang Zhe San, don't worry.
My father is the grand preceptor. I'll definitely revenge you.
My goodness. You're Zhao's daughter?
You should have told me earlier I would've done it for real
You!
You actually
ganged up together to fool me?
What do you mean? You want it to be real?
All right. I'll fulfill your wish
Give your dad some face. I'll rape you.
You! Hooligan. Despicable hooligan!
Since you already know my career and hobbies
All right. Go home.
What are you doing, Zhang Zhe San? Put me down!
Be good. Put me down!
What are you looking for now?
I'm looking for some medicine.
Mountain bitttergourd and foxglove root
You don't have to go to the Imperial hospital today
The boys have taken leave for you
Stay at home with me today
and fulfill your daughterly duties
I'm not going to the imperial hospital. I'm going to the mountain.
What are you going there for?
I'm going to save someone.
Slowly, slowly, Your Majesty. Slowly.
He Tian
How much further do we have to walk?
He Tian, where exactly are we going?
All this work just to eat some medicine?
The time, place, and harmony of heaven and earth have to be right for the medicine to work
Now you're just making things up!
Enough! Listen to the doctor!
Whatever the doctor says, we will do.
We'll walk for as long as he asks us to walk.
Let's go!
Bao Chuan, I've never walked this much
in my entire life put together
How long more do we have to walk?
We're nearly there
Where are you bringing the Empress Dowager to?
Her medicine requires her to exercise her muscles
and increase her heart rate and breathing first
Isn't it just eating medicine?
Why are you making up such nonsense?
This way, this way.
Where? This is...
Hurry up!
Where are you bringing Her Majesty to?
Don't be anxious. The hour hasn't arrived yet.
If we don't eat the medicine right on time
its effectiveness is greatly decreased
I think you just want to make fun of the Empress Dowager
This is just a practical joke, isn't it?
How can that be? I wouldn't dare to make fun of the Empress Dowager.
You'd better watch out
If anything happens to Her Majesty
and you tire her to the point of exhaustion
it won't be enough even if I could chop off ten of your heads!
Let's go that way
Why are we going that way?
Where are we going?
Hurry up
Time passes so quickly. Yes.
In a blink of an eye, the Emperor has grown up
I don't know when
it'll be my time to join the late emperor
Your Majesty, please don't say that!
You can still live for another thousand years
I want... if I have the fortune to
I want to stay by your side to serve you
Look at your glib mouth
You just love to make me happy
How's the choosing of a concubine coming along?
Don't worry, Your Majesty
It won't take long
before a group of carefully selected girls enter the palace
His Majesty will not be able to take his eyes off of them
and won't be able to pick one
At that time, just point out the one that you want
the one that you like, and everything will be solved
Good
Wait a second. Where are we?
This... Where have we gone?
No, even I don't recognise this place
Go, go, go. Let's go then.
That way, that way. Slowly.
We've been walking around for half a day
and come back to the same point?
He Tian, I'm warning you
If the medicine is ineffective
I'll cut off your head
and your entire family clan
An entire family clan is too much
I only have myself and my mother at home
and a pig as well
We're here!
What? We're eating the medicine here?
This
Your Majesty, you can eat your medicine now
You little doctor
Your Majesty, did you eat anything this morning?
No, not at all.
Wait!
What now?
Are you very tired now?
I'm still all right
Then you can't eat it yet!
We'll walk for the burning time of another incense stick!
Follow me
I'm tired! I'm tired! I'm tired beyond belief!
Xiao He, how have you been lately?
I don't know why
my eyelid keeps twitching
as though something is going to happen soon
It's a good thing your eyelid is twitching
it's probably because someone is thinking about you
Old Tao, I'm already so old
who will be thinking of me?
Xiao He, don't forget
You're one of the flowers of this marketplace
Don't make me the butt of your jokes
I'm only speaking the truth
Why would I make fun of you?
See, Xiao Tian has already grown up
you should spend some thoughts
on your own future
We have to
think about your happiness to
don't you think so?
Old man, let me tell you something
it doesn't matter what happens to me
as long as Xiao Tian is happy and well
I'll be content
Make way, make way, make way.
Quick, make way. Move.
Are you He Mei Li?
Officer, what's going on?
It has nothing to do with you? Move aside!
We're currently checking households
Take us to your house
What are you waiting for? Move quickly!
If there's anything, we can talk it through
Old man, what does this have to do with you?
If you don't stop being a busy body, I won't be courteous.
All right, all right, all right.
I'll leave with you
Old man, help me look after my stall
I'll be back soon
Let's go then
Why are they taking Madam He away?
Yeah. What's going on?
Why are they arresting her?
Don't throw things around!
Don't move those!
Don't toss things out
If you mess things up, how am I going to clean up?
Where's your daughter?
I've already told you
I only have a son
The household card states very clearly
that you have a daughter who is twenty this year
Then you should go to the family registrar
I'm illiterate
even if they made a mistake I wouldn't know
If you don't tell me. Then you're lying
If you're lying, then you're defying an imperial order
If you're defying an imperial order, then you're breaking the law!
I already told you, I don't have a daughter
Do you just want to catch a girl?
Then bring me back
I'll go put on some make up first
Mine
Yours?
Can you fit into it?
Why? Am I not allowed to buy small-sized clothes?
It's my target size for my diet
What?
I broke a bowl and need to clean it up
Without Eunuch Li's orders
anyone who comes out will be killed
Subtitles provided by Unruly Qiao team at Viki
I'm full, I'm full.
I haven't enjoyed my food in a long while
Here, Your Majesty
Here, rinse your mouth. Good.
Eat. Young people should eat more.
Come, come. Eat!
I've already eaten
The meat is delicious
Look, there's even vegetables at the bottom
Quick, eat one piece
Eat it while it's hot
Are you sleepy?
Do you want to go and rest?
All right, I'll go rest for awhile
You continue eating
Come
Don't forget to
reward the young doctor with 50 taels of silver
Walk slowly, mother.
Your Majesty, please take care.
Eunuch Li? What's wrong?
You don't look too good
Do you want He Tian to diagnose you too?
Thank you for your concern, Majesty
I'll go look for him when I'm free
I've still got errands to run. Excuse me.
Where are you going?
To- To the toilet
Here
Go in, go in, go in.
Open the doors
Are you going to let me out now?
Her Majesty has ordered that you be rewarded
Aren't you going to thank her?
Thank you, Your Majesty!
My medicine worked?
But these silver...
Can I exchange them for something else?
Insolence! How dare you
bargain with the Empress Dowager's reward?
But you promised me
that I could have anything I wanted
You were lucky this time. You even received money.
If you screw up the next time
Eunuch Li will have your head!
Let's go!
Isn't that what I said?
Eldest brother, you
should meet with the Emperor
and tell him to place Xiao Tian
in charge of the imperial hospital.
What do you think you're doing? Don't run!
Stop fighting already.
Xiao Tian
Your healing skills really aren't bad
The other doctors haven't been able to cure the Empress Dowager for years
but you managed to do it with a single prescription.
To be honest,
that is one of the most ordinary ways of improvingone's appetite
Even the lousiest doctor around would be able to come up with it.
Why is head healer Leng so blind?
He can't even measure up to the lousiest healer around
He's not blind.
I only came up with it because I was desperate
If you don't believe me, try not sleeping for a night
before walking around for miles.
You would definitely be tired and hungry after that.
All right
The Emperor has heard about this
He's very happy, so
he's rewarding you with 50 silver taels
Just go to the imperial treasury
to get your reward.
50 taels plus 50 taels
That's 100 silver taels. You're rich!
Time to treat us. Let's go.
Who's treating you?
I'm going to use the money to fix my roof
otherwise, every time it rains
there'll be a small downpour in the house
And my mother hasn't worn new clothes in a long while
I should buy her a few sets of new clothes
and let her eat well, wear nice clothes and live well
Which is why
you should go home and tell your mother the good news
she'll definitely be happy to hear it.
Also, remember to fix the grave.
Grave?That's right.
You shouldn't just remember about your mother
and forget all bout your younger sister.
Then I'll be leaving first.
Why are you leaving so quickly?
Stay and play for awhile.
What are you doing? Huh? Huh?
Go, go, go.
What grave were you talking about?
Xiao Tian has a twin younger sister
Are you serious?
His sister died very early
When I spent the night at Xiao Tian's house
I even saw his sister's spirit
You mean the time by the lake?
Yep. You said you don't like to listen to ghost stories.
So I didn't tell you about it.
That was at night!
It's in broad daylight now.
Quick, quick, tell me.
That day,
when we were staying at Xiao Tian's place for the first time
I saw, by the lake,
a girl that looks exactly like Xiao Tian.
Don't tell me you've fallen for Xiao Tian's sister
This...I can't really put my finger on it.
But after that day, I keep recalling
his sister's smiling countenance.
You cannot think about it.
Look, you're so handsome and you're the emperor
how can you fall for a ghost?
You'd better just choose your concubine
Your fat cousin isn't too bad!
You can describe her in one word: Unprecedented (He's calling her fat)
She's got a large rear, a great sign of fertility
You'll be carrying a bunch of sons in no time
But we're not in love with each other
It would harm the both of us
If you don't like someone
you shouldn't lead them on
Even if you don't like your fat cousin
you can't possibly fall for a ghost!
You should just go and choose your concubine well
When choose your concubine, remember two things
One, she's alive. Two, she's a girl.
Then everything will be good. Forget Xiao Tian
No, no. I mean forget Xiao Tian's sister.
You can't forget someone just because you want to.
Then think about something else. Change your target
Think about your fat cousin
I think she's pretty cute
Especially her hairstyle! But there's one thing
She can't leave the house. The moment she does
all the birds will fly away and people will go missing
All right, stop talking.
Go out.
I want to think over some things
Then I won't disturb you.
Spirits and humans are differet. Don't think too much.
Go out, go out.
Your fat cousin! Leave. Giving birth to sons!
Your fat cousin!
Subtitles provided by Unruly Qiao team at Viki
Mum. Mum. Mum.
Mum? Mum! Mum!
Da Fu? Da Fu! Da Fu!
Come here
It's mum's shoe
She's been arrested by the officials?
Next
Go in
Did I call you? Go back, go back.
Next. Number 45.
Who are you looking for?
My mother. Her name is He Mei Li.
She was arrested this morning
He Mei Li?
Obstructed justice, defied the imperial edictand resisted arrest
You can go home now.
Have you made a mistake?
What edict has my mother defied?
Please help me check.
If you have any problems, you can appeal to the courtDon't give me trouble.
Young man
The Emperor is looking for an Empress.Every household has been checked
But your mother refused to hand her daughter over
This is a very serious crime
Sir Official
Please help me pass her a message
Young man
There are more than a thousand convicts in prison
If everyone tells me to pass on a message
I'll be no better than a postman
But, there's humanity behind the law
Go home and write a letter
Thank you, Sir Official.
Don't thank me, young man.
Try to convince your mother to hand over her daughter
Otherwise, she'll be beheaded
on the execution block next
Go, go, go, go, go, go.
Hurry up, quickly.
Clean it up well
Mum, how are you?
I've been to the prison
but they won't let me see you.
Nor would they let me send anything else to you
Do you have enough to eat in there?
are your clothes keeping you warm?
Mum
please don't argue with anyone in there
and listen to the officials in charge
and don't get into spats with others
Mum, I'm fine. Da Fu (the pig) is fine too.
I'll clean up the mess at home
don't worry
Mum, I'll think of a way to get you out.
In the meantime,
please take care of your health
and wait for me to retrieve you. Love, Xiao Tian
Absolutely not.
If you do that, Eldest brother will find out you're a girl!
If the Imperial Hospital finds out
You'll be expelled immediately
Then your dreams will be dashed
The most important thing now
is to get my mum safely out of there
I dont care about anything else
Listen to me
The choosing of the concubine is done by the Empress Dowager
The Empress Dowager! Even if Eldest brother is her son
Erm, I mean. Her son's secretary.
It's not like he can ask his boss
to disobey his mother
because that would be disloyal
To use one's connections to enter the back door
and release your mother, that's would be
unfair to the rest of the people who don't want to
hand over their daughters. That would be unkind.
Also, how are you going to explain to Eldest brother
that you don't even have a sister to begin with
You lied and cheated. That's being dishonest.
How do you know about my 'sister'?
Eldest brother told you?
How else?
Unless your sister told me about it in my dreams
I'm telling you
You'd better not let Eldest Brother know that you're a girl
You have no idea
He secretly drew a portrait of your 'sister'
and salivates when he stares at it
He's probably thinking about something perverted
Who can believe what you say?
If that happens, my pig will be able to write!
Eldest brother is not that kind of person
You're the one with perverted thoughts
I don't have perverted thoughts
What I have are feelings that have to be expressed
As for you
You just don't want Eldest brother to knowthat you're a girl
Which is why you're trying so hard
Since the lie has already been toldwhy expose yourself?
All right. Don't worry about it.
I'll handle this matter.
As for your mother,
she's my future mother-in-law
As her future son-in-law
of course I'll have to solve it on my own.
Just leave mother-in-law to me.
You just stay here and wait for my good news.
What's wrong?
You looked so unhappy that day.
Is it because you have something to say to me?
I wanted to give you a fright
but didn't expect you to discover me
Why are you peeping at my sister's portrait again?
What are you thinking about?
Nothing much. It just so happened
that when she appeared that evening
she looked rather unhappy
I wonder why is that...
Xiao Tian. What's wrong?
She... P-probably, uh. Lacks some pocket money.
I'll burn some paper money for her when I can
Don't think too much about it
By the way, when you took the silver home to your mother
she must have been very happy, right?
Cousin!
Cousin! Cousin! Cousin!
Bring me out to play! Please stop chasing me!
Bring me out to play! Don't chase me anymore!.
Cousin!
Xiao Tian! Xiao Tian! I'm bored!
Play with me, please!
Look at the way they are running
That's not right. Why aren't you running?
Eldest brother didn't step on the fatso's feet either
Your scene is wrong
Eldest brother's drawing is so awful.
How about this? I'll draw another one for you.
How about it?
Can you stop annoying me?
I've come up with a plan to save Madam He.
Xiao Tian! Come chase me~
I'm begging you please stop chasing me.Someone save me!
Stop chasing me!
This is a map of the prison
These are the walls
Madam He is locked up here with the other convicts
And in this room
is for the prison guards to relax
This room has two toilets
One's big and one's small
How exactly are you going to save my mother?
The convits will get up at "mo" hourand gather to do their chores
After lunch,
They're allowed to rest for an hour.
At this time,
The guards' energy levels are at their lowest
Why's that?
Haven't you heard that you'll be sleepy after you eat?
After they've eaten they'll definitely take a nap!
They'll sleep when they should
and laze about as well
At this time
we will grab the opportunity and sneak in
Hurry up, hurry up. Don't be lazy.
Clean it properly, you!
Let's go.
Jin Pin Mei? (R-rated book)
Mine! Give it to me!
Great! Great! Great!
Thank you thank you thank you
This is fantastic, yay!
You're here to save me? Come. Let's go.
This is great!
Hurry up
We're leaving
Why am I so smart?
Isn't this plan to break into prison brilliant?
Why do I have to hug you?
I saved Madam He
You're moved to tears and hug me. That's reasonable!
Then why did you let the rest of the convicts go too?
It's convenient
If we don't save the other innocent convicts
it won't be heroic of us
What about after that?
After that? After that we will
find a deserted place
and live happily every after.
This is called 'not implicating others with your troubles'
Xiao Tian and Xiao San's happily ever after
You big-brained idiot
It's a crime to break into jail!
Do you want my mother and I to
hide for the rest of our lives?
Don't worry. I'll look after you.
You just need to stay home and look after the kids.
I'll go out and earn money to raise our family
You can leave the rest of your life in my hands
I guarantee you'll be blissful and happy
I knew that and idiot like you
wouldn't be able to come up with a good idea.
You've wasted my time.
Please. This is the only way
to not let others know that you're a girl.
Why don't you think of one then?
Where are you going?
This matter started because of me
As long as I go for the concubine choosingmy mum will be fine
You're kidding me. Go for the concubine choosing?
You look so good.
If you get chosen, what am I supposed to do?
Who cares what you're supposed to do?
Get lost
5438. I'm here
Come here.
Your daughter came to bail you out.You can leave now.
Have you taken all your things?
Sign here then.
Officer, you said that
my daughter came here to bail me out?
Where is she?
You are He Mei Li? Yes that's right.
I really respect you for
giving birth to that kind of daughter.
Go, go, go, go, go.
Mum!
Why do you look like this??
What's wrong with your face?
And your teeth?
My skills of disguise aren't bad, right?
Look at you, why are you so fat?
How did you do it?
I'm wearing four layers of clothes! Dying of heat now.
Aren't you hot? Let's go.
Did you receive my letter, mum?
Yes I did
When you were writing it
were you crying?
No, I accidentally splashed some drinking water on it.
It's all right if you cried. It's not like I'm laughing at you.
You're just acting strong.
Let's go home.
Stand there! Halt.
He Mei Li, is this your daughter?
Yes...
The Emperor is choosing a concubine
Your daughter matches the criteria
Take her away! Quickly. Come!
B-b-But!
Subtitles provided by Unruly Qiao team at Viki
How long more do we have to walk?
But you promised me
that I could have whatever reward I wanted.
How else?
Unless your sister told me in my dreams